Communication Rituals
Up to this point, readers will have noticed that many of the language topics have been written to cover a broad spectrum of the Saudi Arabian culture. This section will focus now on specific events and encourage travelers to be informed on the various day to day communication rituals. We will introduce our readers to a variety of scenarios, such as s the invitation to someone’s home, being introduced to a new party, having a disagreement, asking for help, and even flirting so that they may know what to expect. There will be notes on what is acceptable and what travelers should avoid doing so as not to be considered impertinent. It is our sincerest hope that this section will help readers to understand the varying situations presented to them in Saudi Arabia and be able to respond accordingly.
Just a few notes before we begin … The culture you are about to enter is a high context communication culture, which means that what is being said is less important than the sentiment behind it. In this culture, travelers are advised to communicate in as low context or as bluntly as possible so as not to impart false intentions or sentiments to the locals. It is better to use more words to specify your exact meaning than to leave anything up to interpretation. This will reduce the strains of communication between yourself and these people.
It is incredibly important to know that there is a difference in social interactions that take place between genders. Simply put, the culture is segregated by sex; Men are on top of the hierarchy and women are the lower rank. In a public setting, it is expected that men and women speak in a very formal manner to one another and only on the topics involved in their transactions. An example of this would be at a market where a woman has gone to buy cloth and the person selling cloth, being male, would speak very formally and only of the product. This is important for travelers from the United States to understand, as our culture has no such regulatory rules in public. Men and women are free to talk as they choose, so there may be some culture shock when first entering Saudi Arabia. In the family setting, men and women take on a different form of communication than that of the public setting. This is more like that of the American communication style in that the family setting in less formal. There is less need, in the family setting, to be formal when communicating between men and women, husbands and wives, parents and children, and brothers and sisters, and so on.
Another good cultural tip is that Saudi Arabian culture places deference on age. A person who is more advanced in years than you should be treated with great respect regardless of what they say or do. It is also possible that, on occasion, they may tap a younger individual on the top of their head with their hand. The tapping can mean many different things based on the situation. Some may use this to suggest favor while others may use this as a non-verbal gesture to stop an action. It is important to know that if/when you are tapped on the head you must show respect to the elder and attempt to comply with the situation from which it was given.
There are a few nonverbal communication rituals that should be avoided by travelers entering this culture. It is important that you not maintain eye contact, gaze at, or stare at a stranger. as it is considered incredibly rude and will lead to conflicts. Equally insulting would be for a person to raise one eyebrow at another individual. This action may be taken in the United States as a way of showing contemplation, but in Saudi Arabia it is considered insulting.
Quick note on the narrative: You will find **(text)** sections marked like this throughout the narrative. These are notes or explanations to the story unfolding.
And now for the narrative…
As you get off your 18-hour plane ride from the Americas to Saudi Arabia, you notice many individuals saying “As salaamu Alaikum.” This is a cultural greeting which translates to “peace be upon you.” It would be appropriate for you to respond “Wa Alaykum As Salam,” which means “and on you be peace.” This exchange is equivalent to the saying of the hellos when you see new people or friends or family at some time or a basic greeting. Your Saudi Arabian pen pal meets you at the airport and after your exchange of “As salaamu Alaikum” and “Wa Alaykum As Salam” he begins to ask how you are doing, how your extended family is doing, how the flight was and all manner of questions.
**This is one of the cultural rituals Americans might find more taxing as we are not always interested in being asked questions that are directly related to our objective. In this culture, is important to show signs of respect between people by asking about how the person is and asking about their family before the actual content of a conversation is to be addressed. It would be in poor taste not to ask about the family and well-being of your pen pal after they asked you before you reach the actual topic you wish to discuss. Simply put; Respond, then reciprocate. **
Now your pen pal informs you that your luggage is to be transferred to a different terminal. Neither of you know where the new terminal is. When asking for help, it is important that you phrase your question as bluntly as possible as the culture places great value in the implications of a question rather than the question, and by being blunt you may be able to avoid any show of rudeness. You find that people in the terminal are quite helpful and responsive to your request. This is another cultural nuance important to understand for those travelers with not the best sense of direction or for all travelers, really. You are entering into a culture which respects it strangers and will treat them with kindness so long as the stranger is courteous.
You reach your luggage and go out to short term parking so the pair of you may drive back to the pen pal’s home. On the way your friend informs you that their daughter will be married during your visit and they would like you to attend.
**This is a special circumstance which we wanted to inform our readers about as weddings in America are quite different from those in Saudi Arabia. A standard wedding in America will have the wedding and reception on the same day and sometimes consecutively, which is not the case in Saudi Arabia. A wedding in Saudi Arabia consists of four to five events, on average, spanning four or five days. It would be expected of an attendant to have multiple outfits ready PER event. Because this is incredibly different from the marriage ceremonies in the United States we felt it important to inform our readers of what exactly would be involved when responding to such invitations.**
Being knowledgeable in all things Arabian, now, after reading your traveler’s guide, you agree to attend the wedding and ask if there is a market you could go to so you may purchase a few more outfits. Your friend asks if you would like to visit higher end markets, like chain clothing stores, or if a local market will do. You recognize a chance to save a little money as well as strengthen your relationship with your pen pal because you know that the higher end markets will not allow bartering over price to occur but in the local markets you will be able to haggle over the price of the clothes you wish to buy with the person selling them.
Just a few notes before we begin … The culture you are about to enter is a high context communication culture, which means that what is being said is less important than the sentiment behind it. In this culture, travelers are advised to communicate in as low context or as bluntly as possible so as not to impart false intentions or sentiments to the locals. It is better to use more words to specify your exact meaning than to leave anything up to interpretation. This will reduce the strains of communication between yourself and these people.
It is incredibly important to know that there is a difference in social interactions that take place between genders. Simply put, the culture is segregated by sex; Men are on top of the hierarchy and women are the lower rank. In a public setting, it is expected that men and women speak in a very formal manner to one another and only on the topics involved in their transactions. An example of this would be at a market where a woman has gone to buy cloth and the person selling cloth, being male, would speak very formally and only of the product. This is important for travelers from the United States to understand, as our culture has no such regulatory rules in public. Men and women are free to talk as they choose, so there may be some culture shock when first entering Saudi Arabia. In the family setting, men and women take on a different form of communication than that of the public setting. This is more like that of the American communication style in that the family setting in less formal. There is less need, in the family setting, to be formal when communicating between men and women, husbands and wives, parents and children, and brothers and sisters, and so on.
Another good cultural tip is that Saudi Arabian culture places deference on age. A person who is more advanced in years than you should be treated with great respect regardless of what they say or do. It is also possible that, on occasion, they may tap a younger individual on the top of their head with their hand. The tapping can mean many different things based on the situation. Some may use this to suggest favor while others may use this as a non-verbal gesture to stop an action. It is important to know that if/when you are tapped on the head you must show respect to the elder and attempt to comply with the situation from which it was given.
There are a few nonverbal communication rituals that should be avoided by travelers entering this culture. It is important that you not maintain eye contact, gaze at, or stare at a stranger. as it is considered incredibly rude and will lead to conflicts. Equally insulting would be for a person to raise one eyebrow at another individual. This action may be taken in the United States as a way of showing contemplation, but in Saudi Arabia it is considered insulting.
Quick note on the narrative: You will find **(text)** sections marked like this throughout the narrative. These are notes or explanations to the story unfolding.
And now for the narrative…
As you get off your 18-hour plane ride from the Americas to Saudi Arabia, you notice many individuals saying “As salaamu Alaikum.” This is a cultural greeting which translates to “peace be upon you.” It would be appropriate for you to respond “Wa Alaykum As Salam,” which means “and on you be peace.” This exchange is equivalent to the saying of the hellos when you see new people or friends or family at some time or a basic greeting. Your Saudi Arabian pen pal meets you at the airport and after your exchange of “As salaamu Alaikum” and “Wa Alaykum As Salam” he begins to ask how you are doing, how your extended family is doing, how the flight was and all manner of questions.
**This is one of the cultural rituals Americans might find more taxing as we are not always interested in being asked questions that are directly related to our objective. In this culture, is important to show signs of respect between people by asking about how the person is and asking about their family before the actual content of a conversation is to be addressed. It would be in poor taste not to ask about the family and well-being of your pen pal after they asked you before you reach the actual topic you wish to discuss. Simply put; Respond, then reciprocate. **
Now your pen pal informs you that your luggage is to be transferred to a different terminal. Neither of you know where the new terminal is. When asking for help, it is important that you phrase your question as bluntly as possible as the culture places great value in the implications of a question rather than the question, and by being blunt you may be able to avoid any show of rudeness. You find that people in the terminal are quite helpful and responsive to your request. This is another cultural nuance important to understand for those travelers with not the best sense of direction or for all travelers, really. You are entering into a culture which respects it strangers and will treat them with kindness so long as the stranger is courteous.
You reach your luggage and go out to short term parking so the pair of you may drive back to the pen pal’s home. On the way your friend informs you that their daughter will be married during your visit and they would like you to attend.
**This is a special circumstance which we wanted to inform our readers about as weddings in America are quite different from those in Saudi Arabia. A standard wedding in America will have the wedding and reception on the same day and sometimes consecutively, which is not the case in Saudi Arabia. A wedding in Saudi Arabia consists of four to five events, on average, spanning four or five days. It would be expected of an attendant to have multiple outfits ready PER event. Because this is incredibly different from the marriage ceremonies in the United States we felt it important to inform our readers of what exactly would be involved when responding to such invitations.**
Being knowledgeable in all things Arabian, now, after reading your traveler’s guide, you agree to attend the wedding and ask if there is a market you could go to so you may purchase a few more outfits. Your friend asks if you would like to visit higher end markets, like chain clothing stores, or if a local market will do. You recognize a chance to save a little money as well as strengthen your relationship with your pen pal because you know that the higher end markets will not allow bartering over price to occur but in the local markets you will be able to haggle over the price of the clothes you wish to buy with the person selling them.
Figure 1: Marketplace
**By asking your friend to help you in a task, and a task that is a cultural ritual no less, will show respect for the culture and confidence in the friendship at the same time.
We offer our readers these good bargaining tactics to employee:
>Gender will not matter in the haggling of prices to do not try and take a stance on that front. Simply put, whether you’re a man or women will not matter to the merchant and whether the merchant is man or women will not affect how they haggle with you.
>Earlier in the day is the best time for bargaining. It is more likely that the seller will be calm and give a better price.
>Late in the day is the worst time to attempt bargaining, the sellers will be far more tense and give worse prices as they will now have been dealing all day and, like most at the end of the day, are not willing to go the extra mile to make a sale.
>Most important: As a tourist, you will be substantially taken advantage of in the way of much higher prices. It is a great benefit to bring a local friend along and have them bargain on your behalf. If locals are not available, be extremely careful not to insult the merchant in your dealings.**
You ask your friend if tomorrow morning you can both go to the local market, and if he or she would be willing to bargain on your behalf. You receive a glowing smile. All of a sudden, your vehicle is rear-ended. After checking to make sure you are okay, your friend hops out of the car and confronts the other driver. While in the car, you can see wild gesticulations with the arms being made by both parties and the voices are getting louder and louder. Soon, both people are shouting at each other and they begin a physical altercation. Onlookers step in and stop the altercation and your friend returns to the car. Addressing the bewildered look on your face, your friend explains how arguments in Saudi Arabia generally go like this, and how the winner of an argument is generally the one who is shouting the loudest. You ask about the physical altercation and wonder if there will be any legal repercussions as you would expect in the United States. If no major injuries are incurred, your friend responds, the legal system isn’t bothered by such shows of disagreement. As you make a mental note to try not to offend anyone you meet in Saudi Arabia, you enter the driveway of your friend’s home.
Upon crossing the threshold of the home, you remove your shoes.
**To wear shoes into the home of any individual is considered a sign of great insult, and must be avoided. **
Upon entering the home viewer immediately offered food or drink to which must be accepted. **To turn down these displays of the host would be considered a great insult.**
As the plates of food arrive and conversation commences, you find dishes you prefer more than others, but it is important to eat all the food put in front of you regardless of preference. As the meal carries on, more food is brought out, and you begin to feel full.
**It is important to keep eating all of the food placed in front of you, even if you feel full, as to not do so would be considered a great insult to the household. It has been discovered that, it is a better idea to eat first and puke later than attempt to stop the flow of food.**
After the meal, drinks will be offered, and the same ritual must be observed here as well, as it would be very insulting to pass on drinks offered to you by the host. As you reach the end of the night and wish to leave for your hotel, it is likely your hosts will engage you in some conversation to hold you a bit longer in their home. After this conversation, as you get up to leave and head to the door, another conversation will begin at the door between yourself and the host, which must be completed before it is appropriate to leave. After thanking your host and assuring your pen pal of the next day’s shopping you leave for your hotel.
The next day, after doing some shopping with your pen pal and receiving excellent deals on your new clothing, you are invited to lunch with some friends of the pen pal he would like you to meet. Once at the restaurant, the friends of your pen pal rise from their seats, greet you in the usual manner, and shake your hand. You notice that your pen pal exchanges a hug with his friends before sitting down.
**Handshakes are appropriate because in a new meeting the parties take on a semiformal atmosphere and it is polite. Once the parties become friends or better known to each other it is appropriate to give hugs and to be physically close to each other. This may put off some travelers from America, as the United States culture generally values personal space. In Saudi Arabia, it is okay to be physically close to one another, to walk arm in arm, or even to hold hands, so long as it is with the same gender.**
Conversation begins between your pen pal and his friends. You recall that there is a single topic you should never discuss openly and especially not with new acquaintances: religion.
**Religion is a hot topic that never fails to cause conflict and arguing. It is important to remember not to speak of either Sunni or Shiite Muslim parties, as this will cause great tension, and most definitely lead to an argument.**
That night is the first party of many for the pen pals daughter’s wedding and after changing into your clothes. You start to head for your door when you realize that the invitation time was for 8 o’clock and you have 15 minutes before you’re late. You call your pen pal in a panic to make sure that this will not be considered insulting, and he responds with laughter. Events like these, he says, never start on time, and that if an event says that it starts at 8, nothing will be happening until at least 10 o’clock.
**Saudi Arabian culture views time in a poly-chronic way, which is to say people, rather than time, govern events. This is incredibly different from the mono-chronic or time-stringent culture of the United States.**
**By asking your friend to help you in a task, and a task that is a cultural ritual no less, will show respect for the culture and confidence in the friendship at the same time.
We offer our readers these good bargaining tactics to employee:
>Gender will not matter in the haggling of prices to do not try and take a stance on that front. Simply put, whether you’re a man or women will not matter to the merchant and whether the merchant is man or women will not affect how they haggle with you.
>Earlier in the day is the best time for bargaining. It is more likely that the seller will be calm and give a better price.
>Late in the day is the worst time to attempt bargaining, the sellers will be far more tense and give worse prices as they will now have been dealing all day and, like most at the end of the day, are not willing to go the extra mile to make a sale.
>Most important: As a tourist, you will be substantially taken advantage of in the way of much higher prices. It is a great benefit to bring a local friend along and have them bargain on your behalf. If locals are not available, be extremely careful not to insult the merchant in your dealings.**
You ask your friend if tomorrow morning you can both go to the local market, and if he or she would be willing to bargain on your behalf. You receive a glowing smile. All of a sudden, your vehicle is rear-ended. After checking to make sure you are okay, your friend hops out of the car and confronts the other driver. While in the car, you can see wild gesticulations with the arms being made by both parties and the voices are getting louder and louder. Soon, both people are shouting at each other and they begin a physical altercation. Onlookers step in and stop the altercation and your friend returns to the car. Addressing the bewildered look on your face, your friend explains how arguments in Saudi Arabia generally go like this, and how the winner of an argument is generally the one who is shouting the loudest. You ask about the physical altercation and wonder if there will be any legal repercussions as you would expect in the United States. If no major injuries are incurred, your friend responds, the legal system isn’t bothered by such shows of disagreement. As you make a mental note to try not to offend anyone you meet in Saudi Arabia, you enter the driveway of your friend’s home.
Upon crossing the threshold of the home, you remove your shoes.
**To wear shoes into the home of any individual is considered a sign of great insult, and must be avoided. **
Upon entering the home viewer immediately offered food or drink to which must be accepted. **To turn down these displays of the host would be considered a great insult.**
As the plates of food arrive and conversation commences, you find dishes you prefer more than others, but it is important to eat all the food put in front of you regardless of preference. As the meal carries on, more food is brought out, and you begin to feel full.
**It is important to keep eating all of the food placed in front of you, even if you feel full, as to not do so would be considered a great insult to the household. It has been discovered that, it is a better idea to eat first and puke later than attempt to stop the flow of food.**
After the meal, drinks will be offered, and the same ritual must be observed here as well, as it would be very insulting to pass on drinks offered to you by the host. As you reach the end of the night and wish to leave for your hotel, it is likely your hosts will engage you in some conversation to hold you a bit longer in their home. After this conversation, as you get up to leave and head to the door, another conversation will begin at the door between yourself and the host, which must be completed before it is appropriate to leave. After thanking your host and assuring your pen pal of the next day’s shopping you leave for your hotel.
The next day, after doing some shopping with your pen pal and receiving excellent deals on your new clothing, you are invited to lunch with some friends of the pen pal he would like you to meet. Once at the restaurant, the friends of your pen pal rise from their seats, greet you in the usual manner, and shake your hand. You notice that your pen pal exchanges a hug with his friends before sitting down.
**Handshakes are appropriate because in a new meeting the parties take on a semiformal atmosphere and it is polite. Once the parties become friends or better known to each other it is appropriate to give hugs and to be physically close to each other. This may put off some travelers from America, as the United States culture generally values personal space. In Saudi Arabia, it is okay to be physically close to one another, to walk arm in arm, or even to hold hands, so long as it is with the same gender.**
Conversation begins between your pen pal and his friends. You recall that there is a single topic you should never discuss openly and especially not with new acquaintances: religion.
**Religion is a hot topic that never fails to cause conflict and arguing. It is important to remember not to speak of either Sunni or Shiite Muslim parties, as this will cause great tension, and most definitely lead to an argument.**
That night is the first party of many for the pen pals daughter’s wedding and after changing into your clothes. You start to head for your door when you realize that the invitation time was for 8 o’clock and you have 15 minutes before you’re late. You call your pen pal in a panic to make sure that this will not be considered insulting, and he responds with laughter. Events like these, he says, never start on time, and that if an event says that it starts at 8, nothing will be happening until at least 10 o’clock.
**Saudi Arabian culture views time in a poly-chronic way, which is to say people, rather than time, govern events. This is incredibly different from the mono-chronic or time-stringent culture of the United States.**
Figure 2: Weddings
Feeling relieved that you are not late or have insulted your friend’s family; you attend at the event that evening. After some festivities, you come to find yourself sitting next to your pen pal. You notice a pretty girl across the room. You ask your pen pal about her and then ask how you might flirt with the young lady without seeming to be rude. The pen pal describes many different ways to which you might display your affection to this young lady, such as walking up to her and handing, or in some cases throwing, a slip of paper with your number at her, or placing your phone number on the back of her car. He goes on to talk about how bad flirting would be done by those young men who honk their horns at women or shout at women in public. In a funny story, he says that a group of girls crossing the street one day was being shouted at by an eager male who did not have his affections returned. You talk about the flirting styles in America: how it begins with catching the eye of the girl you like and beginning a conversation with her. Your friend explains how eye contact or staring at strangers is considered incredibly rude in Saudi Arabian culture, and how, if you applied this tactic now, you would be turned down. Interested by this statement, you ask if there is anything else you should avoid doing that would imply rudeness. Without missing a beat, the pen pal says that to raise one eyebrow, like one might do in the American culture to consider/contemplate something, is, again, a greatly insulting thing to do. After thanking your pen pal, you resign yourself to chatting with more of the wedding party, and, on your way out, slip your phone number onto the young lady’s table.
You’ve now reached the end of your journey in Saudi Arabia, and you are about to get back on the plane to return to the United States. Your pen pal gives you a hug, asking that you pass on his or hers’ family well wishes to members of your family, and finally wishing for your good health and well-being. You respond by wishing well his family and the members of the wedding party that you remember, as well as wish for the health and prosperity of your pen pal.
**While this goodbye may be considered lengthy, it is incredibly important at the end of your meeting to engage in these well-wishing rituals.**
In this section, we have talked about how travelers may understand the different communication rituals of Saudi Arabian culture so that they may fully enjoy their travels. We have discussed nonverbal and verbal communication rituals, which will allow travelers to avoid insulting Arabians. We’ve also given tips to travelers on how to avoid unintended insults. We hope that, as readers continue with this book, they grasp the subtle nuances of this extraordinary culture, and hopefully, one day, experience it firsthand.
Bibliography Countries and Their Cultures. (2012). Retrieved November 2012, from Saudi Arabia: http://www.everyculture.com/Sa-Th/Saudi-Arabia.html#b
Judith N. Martin, T. K. (2002). Readings in Intercultural Communications. McGraw-HillCompanies, Inc.
Labor, M. o. OPPORTUNITIES IN VARIOUS SECTORS IN THE LABOR MARKET IN SAUDI ARABIA. Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.
Quresh, F. (2012, September - December). Student. (N. Haugen, Interviewer)
Traditional wedding and it's customs in Iran. Wedding Customs from All Around the World.http://library.thinkquest.org/06aug/00844/saudiarabia.html.